1500 words medicine

Description

I have been tasked with writing a 1500 academic essay with the title ‘What role does Dysbiosis of Gut Microbiota play in Inflammatory Bowel Disease’. I have attached my draft of the academic essay itself with attached corrections, but please don’t edit that document itself. I would like to request a better written version of the essay that fulfills all criteria for a pass. I will attach the pass criteria below as well. Please let me know if you have any questions.

My teacher’s most recent feedback on the current state of the essay : 

‘The introduction provides more background, but I suggest further restructuring it to improve flow. I recommend discussing IBD earlier in the text, adding clarity in a few sections, and providing more detailed information about IBD.

Your aims are clearer now, but be cautious when stating that you will explore how gut microbiota contributes to the progression of IBD, as this is not elaborated much in your essay. 

Regarding your results, it’s good that you’ve separated your discussion of CD and UC, but this section needs further work. You should report results more consistently, providing an equal amount of information about the study type/design and findings you are reporting. Ensure to include the statistical significance of the data, whether in text or graph/table form. Additionally, refer readers to specific figures in the text, label the figures, and provide clear titles and legends.

Some parts of your results/discussion need greater clarity. I also feel your essay could benefit from more data from primary research articles, as you sometimes reference literature reviews instead. 

I attached your second draft with some specific comments.

For your GMC outcomes, there is always room for improvement across all of them. Specifically, you should focus on GMC outcomes:

19: Provide more detailed analysis of studies, including the relevant data 

2s: Engage more with primary research articles.

26a: Once you’ve detailed the studies (eg. type of study), discuss the significance of clinical evidence based on the specific study data.

26d: Provide statistical data and interpret the results.

26e: Offer a critique of the primary research studies (e.g., of study design or results) you reference.